Not Ready to Say Goodbye
by free13
Summary: During the retreat Beca finally tells Chloe about her internship. Chloe can't believe Beca kept this secret from her and Beca can't seem to tell Chloe why. Bechloe one-shot.


"C'mon Beca, why don't you just tell her?" Amy half whispers, half shouts to Beca after pulling her aside.

Beca became aggravated with the pointless "team building" games and stupid vocal warm ups. She snapped. She admitted that she had more important things to do, other than be at the retreat with the Bellas, earning her confused glances from all the girls. Especially Chloe.

Chloe can hear Beca and Amy talking and she knows they're talking about her.

"Tell me what?! I can hear you, you know!" Chloe insists.

Amy shoots Beca an _I-told-you-so_ look and Beca rolls her eyes.

Beca can't take it anymore. She gives in.

"There are more important things than the Bellas!" Beca relents. She sees everyone's mouths drop but she continues. "I have an internship okay?! I'm working at a real music studio for a real music producer!" All the girls are dead silent. Beca feels the tension suffocating her so she tries to explain further.

"I'm just trying to think ahead here. We're all graduating. You know what that means? It means this is over. It's time to move on. And that's what I'm trying to start doing. So I'm sorry if I've _offended_ you, but I need to start thinking about my future, too."

Beca dares to look up and is met by Chloe's piercing blue eyes clouded with tears.

"So that's it? You're giving up?" Chloe barely gets the words out, her voice cracking between questions.

Beca's heart clenches at Chloe's words. But before Beca has a chance to answer, Chloe runs off in the direction of the tent.

Without a second thought, Beca runs after her. She knows there's no use calling after her; she won't stop until she has to. So Beca slows her pace and gives Chloe a head start. When Beca arrives to the tent a couple minutes later she sees Chloe sitting by the fire pit, hunched over, holding her legs closely to her stomach.

 _Dammit Beca, what have you done?_

Beca approaches Chloe slowly, not wanting to scare her.

Chloe sees her and turns away, trying to hide the tears falling down her face.

"Chlo, I'm sorry…" Chloe fully turns her back on Beca, not ready to look her in the eyes again.

"Chloe, please, look at me. Let me explain…" Beca pleads.

"I think you've said enough," Chloe bites back, still faced away from the brunette.

"I know but it didn't come out right. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not giving up on us, please believe me."

 _Us_. The word struck Chloe in the heart. What did she mean by _us_? For half a second, a smile flashed on Chloe's face, thinking that maybe Beca was referring to her and Chloe. Referring to _their_ relationship. But her thoughts were destroyed when Beca corrected herself.

"Uh—the Bellas. I'm not giving up on the Bellas," Beca stutters.

 _Ah don't screw this up Beca,_ Beca thinks to herself. _Why'd you have to make it awkward? There is no "us". There is no you and Chloe; she doesn't want that. Hopefully she didn't pick up on it._

Beca hears a small sniffle come from Chloe but nothing else. She panics. She tries to find the right words to say to make Chloe look at her but all she can muster are a few jumbled phrases. "Look, Chloe…" "I…" "Please talk to me, I—"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Beca barely hears Chloe whisper.

"Huh?"

Chloe turns to face Beca, her eyes no longer filled with sadness but anger. Pure anger.

"What didn't you tell me about your internship Beca?!" Beca flinched at the tone of Chloe's voice. Saying she's mad would be an understatement.

"I, uh…" Beca stutters, but takes a deep breath before she continues. "I knew how stressed you were with Worlds and I didn't want to hear you complain that I'm not putting 1000% of my attention towards the group." That comes out more bitter than Beca intended, but she swears she sees Chloe's eyes soften the tiniest bit. Or did they just widen from shock? Yeah, no definitely shock.

"Look, Chloe, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone. And I'm sorry for thinking about life after the Bellas. But I had to! We all do! And when I got the internship I thought that this was finally my chance. I could finally work on making music! Chasing my dream! But you know what? It sucks."

Chloe's brow furrows and she pouts her lip unintentionally. Sure she's mad at Beca, but she did not expect that confession from the brunette.

"There, are you happy now? It absolutely sucks. I'm a coffee servant. That's it. I sit there and watch my asshole boss brag about how he hung with TI in a helicopter and has Snoop Dog for his record label and listen to him say that I'm not original and even Dax can do what I do!"

Chloe notices Beca starts breathing really fast and she can't help but smirk a little at her ranting. She's always found it adorable how Beca rambles when she's nervous.

"Wait, who's Dax?" _Seriously? That's the only thing she has to say after all that?_

"It doesn't matter." Beca quickly responds. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry I even tried. It's not like I'm going to make it anyway."

Chloe hears the defeat in Beca's voice and she cracks. She scoots over next to Beca and wraps her arm around Beca's waist.

"Hey don't say that. You're Beca 'effin Mitchell. You can do anything." Beca looks up at Chloe to find a genuine smile on her face. Chloe truly believes in her. Beca smiles back and Chloe understands the silent "thank you".

But after a moment Chloe breaks the silence. "You still didn't answer my question."

"Huh?" _What question?_

"Why didn't you tell me about the internship? Me, your best friend? Okay I would probably have freaked a little and worried a tiny bit about our set but you know I would have supported you! You could have told me!" Beca can see the hurt in Chloe's eyes and a jolt of guilt shoots to her chest.

Chloe's right. Beca knew that Chloe would have understood and supported her eventually. She wouldn't have been happy about it immediately, but Chloe would have backed Beca and Beca knew that. But Beca couldn't tell Chloe the _real_ reason she didn't tell her about the internship. She couldn't do that, especially not now. They were about to graduate. It was too late.

Beca opens her mouth to try to speak but no words come out. Chloe raises her eyebrows at Beca, expecting an excuse, but Beca doesn't have one. Not one she cares to share with Chloe at least.

"I just… I didn't wanna stress you out, that's all." Even Beca knew that sounded pathetic. And Chloe doesn't buy it for a second.

"No Beca, that's not why. Come on, Becs. We tell each other everything. And it really hurts knowing you kept this huge part of your life from me for… how long?"

"…all semester?"

"THE WHOLE SEMESTER?!" Chloe can't believe it. She assumed Beca had only lied to her for maybe two weeks, max. But the whole semester? Chloe was dumbfounded.

"Wow Beca, you sure showed me. You really didn't trust me, did you?" Chloe gasped, choking down tears.

"No, no it wasn't anything like that!" Beca scrambles for words but Chloe doesn't believe her.

" _More like I trust you too much…_ " Beca says to herself, looking down at the ground, unable to face Chloe's gaze.

Chloe begins to stand up and walk away but is stopped by Beca's mumbling. "What did you say?"

Beca has had enough. She hates fighting with Chloe; it's exhausting. She finally snaps. "God, Chloe, you don't get it do you? You were the LAST person I wanted to tell about it!" Beca is frustrated now, though she's not sure if it's with herself or with Chloe. Probably both.

"Aca-scuse me?!"

 _Shit._

"I can't believe you! I would have been the _last_ person you told? Are you freaking kidding me?" The last bit of sadness disappeared from Chloe's voice and was replaced by sheer rage. "We're supposed to be BEST FRIENDS Beca! Do you know what that means?! I don't know why I wouldn't be the first person you told, never mind the last!"

"Because telling you would make it real!" Beca shouts over Chloe's voice. They both fall silent. Chloe looks at Beca and sees Beca trying very hard to hold back tears threatening to explode out from under her eyelids.

"What do you mean?" Chloe asks gently.

Beca opens her eyes and sighs. "I couldn't tell you about the internship because that would make it real. Telling you would force me to really face the fact that we're all graduating and going our separate ways and this very well may be the last time I see you."

Chloe's mouth slightly opens as she realizes the emotions Beca has been hiding about graduating. Beca is scared of leaving, just like her. But there's something else there too. She knows that Beca's not good with feelings so she lets her continue.

"I couldn't do it Chloe. I couldn't tell anyone, especially not you. I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to say goodbye..." Beca pauses and looks Chloe in the eyes, making sure Chloe understands what she is about to say next. _Guess it's now or never, Mitchell._

"I'm not ready to say goodbye to you, Chlo... I'll never be."

There. She said it. Beca admitted her fear of losing Chloe. To Chloe. _Oh shit._

Chloe stays silent for a moment while trying to process what Beca just told her. _She never wants to say goodbye to me?_ Chloe doesn't believe it. She has to be dreaming. She doesn't realize she has been lost in thought until she hears Beca begin to speak again.

"Look Chloe, I'm not ready to lose you. I can't picture my life without your bubbliness, and clinginess, and smiley pain-in-my-ass-ness all the time. And telling you about the internship would be the start of goodbye. And I just couldn't do that.

 _'Smiley pain-in-my-ass-ness'. God she's so cute,_ Chloe thinks. _Wait. What just happened? Did she mean she doesn't want to lose our friendship? Or…?_

Either way, Chloe responds wholeheartedly."Beca, you're never going to lose me." Chloe's words are so sincere and she tries to convey to Beca just how serious she is when she says that. She just hopes Beca gets it.

"No Chloe, you don't understand." _Obviously she didn't get it._ "I can't lose you Chlo. You make me feel happy and safe and I never let anyone hug me like you do and I've never let anyone in like I have with you. I need you, Chloe. I don't want to leave..." Beca has tears streaming down her face and her confession breaks Chloe's heart. Beca Mitchell never cries. Yet here she is, pouring her heart out to Chloe, sobbing. Chloe reaches up and runs her hand along Beca's cheek, making the brunette look up at Chloe.

Chloe grabs Beca's cheeks and wipes Beca's tears away with her thumbs.

Looking right into Beca's eyes, trying to be explicitly clear, Chloe whispers, "I'm not going anywhere, Bec. I promise. We don't have to say goodbye."

Chloe looks down at Beca's lips before slowly leaning in, stopping as their lips brush against each others'. As their lips are centimeters apart, Beca whispers so quietly, Chloe isn't sure it actually came out of Beca's mouth.

"I love you, Chloe"

Chloe crashes their lips together in a passionate kiss. She tries to show Beca how much she needed to hear that. How much she longed to hear Beca say those words and how much she felt the same thing.

The kiss ended too quickly in both their opinions, but Chloe was the one to pull back first.

"Beca, I love you too. Always have." Chloe has never seen Beca smile so brightly. Beca tugs on Chloe's neck and pulls her back in for a heated kiss. Beca's tongue runs along the bottom of Chloe's lip and Chloe immediately grants entry. Neither girl has ever felt so complete.

When they pull apart, both girls stare at the other, trying to process what happened.

"God you don't know how long I've been wanting to do that," says Chloe. The smile on her face grows bigger as Beca smirks.

"I think I have a pretty good idea, actually." Beca pulls Chloe in for a quick kiss. They both giggle and decide to head back to the group. Boy, do they have a lot of explaining to do.


End file.
